Who am I?

who am i

I am sure I am not alone in wondering sometimes…”Who the heck am I? “ and….”Who the heck am I supposed to be?”  and most importantly…”Who the heck do I want to be?”

What I DO know is this…

  • I am 44 years old…an age that I THOUGHT would really bother me…but today…at this point in time, it doesn’t…but I reserve the right to change my mind!
  • I am starting to like ME…not an easy task…and I feel I am just starting to find out who I WANT to be…a continual work in progress…and it changes!

 

And…there are many areas I am not quite sure where I belong…like I am just kind of there, but not really, but trying, but yet just not sure where MY PLACE is…and maybe that’s okay…it’s a learning process.

Here are just a few of those things: {I could write a book, and this could definitely be a series of posts…we shall see!}

I AM A WIFE: Something I DO NOT take for granted.  Being married at the age of 17 {hubby 21} was not an easy task but one both the hubs and I took very seriously and have never regretted.  We have worked very hard at it and I am happy to say we have been married 26 years! NOT TOO SHABBY if I may say so myself.

HOWEVER, 2.5 years ago…we also bought our own business and have become work partners, co-owners, co-bosses, etc.  Again, not an easy task at all, we are working on it daily but I have to say it IS getting better.  Finding a balance is NOT easy…shifting from work life to home life is not easy…so I definitely find myself wondering, “Am I wife, or co-owner, co-boss, co-employee???”

I AM A MOTHER {AND MOTHER IN LAW!!}: You all know this is something I hold very dear to my heart.  Amanda is our only child and she came into our lives shortly after getting married and shortly after I turned 18.  Again, no regrets. I fell in love with her from day one.  Again, not an easy task but I love this girl so much…and I am blessed to say I think  we are pretty close :) She is now 25 almost 26, married to an amazing man whom I am so proud to call my son, she is a teacher and is pretty darn independent.   Again, at 44, I find myself in an odd situation.  Most people at this age still have kids at home and aren’t empty nesters like the hubs and I are.  I don’t “fit in” in a lot of the Mom’s groups out there per say.

Amanda and I work out together, shop together, do LOTS together…but yet she needs her time away from mom…SHE IS A GROWN ADULT AND A WIFE!!…and I’m not the typical mom right now. My daughter is grown and doesn’t need me as much…so again, “Am I still a mom??” “What type of mom am I?”  {Duh, Jodi you are STILL a mom… :)}  And yes, I have loved and embraced “growing up with her.!}

I AM A FRIEND/FAMILY MEMBER:  {I hope!!}  Before we took over this business, I was much better at keeping in touch with my friends and family.  I emailed quite often and texted quite often.  NO, I did not call often…I really HATE talking on the phone…sorry…it is what it is…!  However, with the business…I have become pretty wrapped up in my own little world and in the last year 6 months or so I am just finding myself coming out of a fog {see DEPRESSION/ANXIETY BELOW} and starting to FEEL again and trying to touch base a little more often.  I have to say I have the best friends in the world…because most of them understood the change in me…the dedication to my work…the lack of desire to do anything but go home at the end of the day and hide and they were always there no matter what.

I used to think I was a great friend, listener, shoulder to cry on, support giver and yes maybe even a bit of a therapy giver….but…I have found out that I do have a tendency to push too hard, to “therapize” to much, etc.  So, I am working on that…again not an easy task…but I do find myself questioning, “How can I be a better friend? How do I be a friend WITHOUT offering too much advice and pushing too hard when I didn’t realize I was?” “Have I ever been a good friend or did I just think I was?”

I HAVE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY:  Yup, I have been very open in the past on the blog about this.  I have nothing to hide.  I was on meds years ago and did great…went off them for years and did great…or so I thought.  And then business life took over and I found myself in “survival mode” and just going through the motions and maybe in some denial.  A great friend caught on and pretty much shoved me to the doc to get back on meds.  I had tried and tried doing things the natural way thinking I would just come out of it, but I didn’t…and I just couldn’t take it anymore.  It wasn’t fair to my family and friends…nor to me…I sure didn’t like myself very much anymore so why would they? And truth be told, I will NEVER be the same person I was before we took over the business.  Life changed, stress levels changed…no one is ever the same as they used to be when they go through life changes.  Quite honestly, it’s just not possible.

So, I am back on my meds and feeling SO MUCH BETTER…and the key here…I AM FEELING AGAIN…I am functioning again in REALITY!! And….I am learning to listen to myself and my needs and wants! Question is…”Who am I? Who does Jodi want to be?”

I AM A RUNNER/YOGI/LOVER OF FITNESS:  I was not very active in high school aside from playing basketball  up until my senior year…duh…chasing after my soon to be hubs was way more fun!! And I was only in track a very short time before deciding I wasn’t cut out for running and it was way easier to be a manager and to chase the boys instead!  I did exercise in my 20s-30s off and on…tried running with the hubs but I HATED it, did step aerobics, some interval  running on the treadmill which I kind of enjoyed, lifted weights,  was a  walker…walked 3 miles  5 mornings a week at 5 am for years, and would usually follow Couch 2 5K or something of the sort when it came time to get ready for our family tradition of participating in the Cystic Fibrosis Turkey Trot 5K every year.  Sometimes I walked, sometimes I tried to run, sometimes a bit of both.

I had a hysterectomy at the age of 32 and then it seemed I just kind of let myself go a few years after that until my early 40s.

And now…the last 2.5 years I have found a renewed passion for health, fitness, RUNNING and yoga!!! And I care more about what I eat and TRY to follow an 80/20 cleanER eating lifestyle.

So, yes I am a runner, yogi, lover of fitness….this ole ma is just a late bloomer and I have LOTS to learn.  I still consider myself a newbie in many aspects…and here I find myself training for my first ever FULL marathon.  GO FIGURE!!! How the he$$ did that happen?  When did I become a freaking runner??? 

And I LOVE YOGA!! Unbelievable…I cannot believe how much I love it, how much it has brought me out of my comfort zone, how much it does for my body, how much I try to push myself and challenge myself with some of the poses, headstands, etc.  I AM ADDICTED!! Let me tell ya folks, Dr. Dixie rocks!!! and…Yes, I AM A YOGI!!

I AM A BLOGGER/SOCIAL MEDIA FREAK:  For those of you who have followed this blog from the beginning, you know this all started when I worked from home as a medical transcriptionist and just started sending weekly emails and then daily emails to just connect with family and friends and to bring a smile to someone’s face.  It went from emails, to Robin and I starting the TouchingYourHeart website, and then it turned into this blog.  We love to make a difference in our communities and the lives of others, so we do lots of fun things when we have time, we do challenges, offer support and prayers and hope to inspire others.  That was the main theme of the blog for many years. And it had it’s own identity.  We were newbies…had no idea what we were doing or really what “Blogging” was all about.  Robin has it pretty much figured out now but I still don’t…heck I still don’t know how to add the Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram icons on my blog :) And as much as I love social media, I have so much to learn!!!

However….over the last year or 2…the blog has changed……Robin now has her own blog called The Way I Live that you NEED to check out!  Most of our challenges and make a difference type things are now so easily just done on Facebook and now most of my posts have to do with my Enough is Enough journey…my running/yoga, etc…{I started the “Enough is Enough” series a month after we took over the business when I decided I needed to start taking care of myself.}  I call myself “this ole ma” so often in my posts that I’m thinking maybe I should  change the name of the blog to “This ole ma”! HA

So…I feel in limbo with the blog…is it still a make a difference blog or is it a fitness journey blog? Or can it be both? And seriously folks, “AM I BLOGGER???”  Sure I am a great rambler and babbler, but does anyone really care to read what I have to say?? I don’t get many comments on my posts, I don’t have many followers, I don’t post every day, I am not a known blogger…so, AM I A BLOGGER?

Same with Pinterest, Instagram and Twitter…I don’t have many followers or get many comments or likes…but I sure enjoy it!!

Ah….and so it goes…the continual question of “Who am I?”

So my question to you….

Do you every find yourself wondering, “Who am I?”

Would love to hear your thoughts!

Much love to you all!

~jodi

 

 

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